Little Girl, 14

Authentically me

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**original blog post
I’ve never been so heart broken shopping at Target in my entire life. Tears filled my eyes. Not the normal Target tears you get when you walk in to buy paper towels and walk out 200 bucks later. This sadness ran way deeper.
Christmas Wish List:
Little Girl: 14 years old. Underwear. Lotion. Shampoo and conditioner.
Little Boy: 13 years old. Lotion. Shampoo and conditioner. Matchbox cars.
I was shopping for the two Sunshine Angels (foster children) we picked from the Christmas tree at Mateo’s school. These two sweet babies could ask for anything from Santa and in their little hearts — all they wanted are basic necessities.
I filled up my cart with sweetest smelling shampoo and conditioner and coolest AXE body wash hoping that would somehow help them hold their heads a little higher. I bought lipgloss –a package of 10 cause that will be awesome to share, some cool sports teeshirts, and lots of matchbox cars. I wanted to fill up my cart with so much more…more stuff to show them that someone thought of them and cared about them and that they are worthy of gift on Christmas.
There were a few Christmas’s where I was that ‘angel’ child. I’m not a foster kid but there were many years when I was growing up that we were so poor. So poor. And so my sister, brother, and I were put on a list for Christmas donations. One Christmas, when I was “Little Girl, 12” a large box, wrapped in Christmas paper arrived for me and my sister on Christmas. I mean this box was huge and the bigger then better, right? My cousins gathered around us so we could open this ginormous present which was certain to be something amazing in which our cousins would be envious. But when we opened it, we realized it was a box of used clothes.
Certainly it’s the thought that counts and the charity meant well, but man, when you’re “Little Girl, 12” on Christmas morning and you don’t get one sparkling new anything–well that just sucks.
God has blessed me with a life in which I am able to buy my own sparkly new things if I choose and am able to do that for my son. But “Little Girl, 12” still lives inside of me and so in buying those gift for our “Angel Children,” I was envisioning me, my sister and my little brother opening presents on Christmas morning. And so yeah, my sadness ran deep that day at Target.
One thing we had though –was our mom. And while there were Christmases she couldn’t buy us presents, she loved us so so so much. These sweet children don’t have that and that is a greater heartbreak than any Christmas without gifts.
It gave me a much needed shift in my perspective this Christmas, that’s for sure. I’m buying and ordering, and waiting in line for, and spending, and buying more, and ….and STOP. Just stop. Stop in the crazy and the chaos and think about what you can give to truly make a difference. That’s what I said to myself, at least. And so I hope I did and I hope I do and I hope you do, too.
God Bless you and God bless Little Girl, 14 and Little Boy, 13.

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